by GEN (R) Martin E. Dempsey
Common Expectations Trump Great Expectations
by Pamela Toomey
What does it mean to be alive and how do we honor this phenomenon? In his new book, No Time for Spectators, General Marty Dempsey isn’t concerned with whether you are a leader or a follower; his concern is that, while alive, you live a “felt” life. Using stories and experiences from his own life, General Dempsey unpacks this four-letter word until it morphs into its predecessor, “care.” If we feel, that means we care. And caring is the catalyst that nullifies the deadly siren calls of the sidelines. “Observing units large and small over the years, I could tell when caring became confidence. And I could see when confidence created an environment where both leaders and followers knew it was not just acceptable but expected to challenge each other and existing policies, provided one did so for the good of all and the success of the organization.”
Life is not a spectator sport, and General Dempsey is at his best when flushing out moments of clarity where the finality of death informs just how serious the business of living is. Spoiler: living a felt life is not done in isolation.
When the abstract concept of death in the Vietnam War crystallizes into the burial of a soldier he actually knew (his boss’s son) and into the palpable grief of the family, Dempsey (a West Point cadet walking back from the burial) finds new significance in the floating blocks of ice on the Hudson. Water in its moving form is juxtaposed to water in its frozen form, just as a vibrant, young cadet is juxtaposed to a valiant, dead soldier. What does it mean? Never nothing.
Many years later while battling cancer, General Dempsey undergoes a similarly unsettling experience, this time from the opposite side of the metaphor. “When she came into the kitchen, I stood—or tried to stand—and found that I couldn’t. It was a strange sensation. I couldn’t tell if I was too weak to stand or couldn’t remember how. All I knew was that I couldn’t stand, and I didn’t know why. … Is this what it feels like to be near death?”
General Dempsey’s message is that, despite the challenges of our times, we must avoid finding the sidelines more enticing than a life of engagement. And that life of engagement must be as critically concerned with how we achieve as what we achieve. The more frequently we participate and welcome inclusion, as leaders and followers, the more successfully we’ll achieve better outcomes because an inclusive approach allows us to develop a set of common expectations that in turn allows us to claim a genuine stake in the outcome. Trusting followers to participate meaningfully in problem solving increases their trust in leadership. The alternative is a life half-frozen with experiences so little-felt that we no longer remember how we got there, or how to care. What does it mean? Never nothing.
“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, / Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” says Hamlet, the Shakespearean character best known for “hesitating.” General Dempsey, however, invites us to give up the ghost of an unfelt life by elucidating just what those vital things are in heaven and earth that continue to inform his choices, create meaning in his life, challenge his assumptions, and render the sidelines off-limits. His personal experiences are unique to him, but the lessons are accessible to all.
General Dempsey is a trained literary critic with a Master’s degree in English literature, pursued for the purpose of thinking better in order to create space to think differently and to hold space for how others think differently. Themes of connection and teamwork are woven seamlessly through nine chapters strategically jam-packed with memorable vignettes that speak volumes. And if connection and teamwork are the longitudinal warp of this particular fabric, “listening” is the latitudinal weft that places better outcomes within reach. He deftly frames the skill of listening as one of the lenses through which to view these nine aphorisms (life lessons explored in each chapter) when introducing a former boss, Mr. Martin, whose particular skill happened to be the fine art of tuning the radio. ‘”I have an ear for precision,” he told me, carefully turning the dial with only the first three fingers of his right hand.” Listening wasn’t a spectator sport for Mr. Martin. He was actively working to refine and clarify what he heard, literally tuning in as precisely as he could.
General Dempsey adopts and adapts this activity to work metaphorically through such vital mindsets as being passionately curious, getting out of himself, exercising sensible skepticism, and never forgetting that character matters.“I never did master the fine art of tuning that radio.” says a remarkably humble former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, but the stories that unfold belie that assessment. No Time for Spectators represents the fine art of tuning a life to a frequency “felt” for the enrichment of all.
No Time for Spectators: The Lessons that Mattered Most from West Point to the West Wing
Also by GEN (R) Dempsey (co-written with Ori Brafman): Radical Inclusion: What the Post-9/11 World Should Have Taught Us About Leadership